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It’s alright though, in my opinion, to give occasionally and with intention. For example, you don’t want to get in the habit of just sending money all the time because it’s impersonal and may become expected. If you want to give just money to the birth mom, make sure it’s for an intended purpose. As far as money goes, I’d just use your best judgment. It was kind of expensive, but a good one-time gift. I found the quiltmaker on Etsy-just search and you’ll find several options on that site. Once I had a quilt made from our son’s old onesies and other clothes I had that I sent to her. There is obviously no amount of money or gift that could compare to what she did for our family, but I like to give her meaningful things. I frequently send our son’s outgrown clothing and shoes to her because she has a new baby.
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Even if we only do birthday and Christmas presents for our child’s birth mom, I occasionally want to send her other stuff just because we love her. On the flip side, as adoptive parents, you should always under promise and over deliver, in my opinion. Tell your child that physical gifts are not the most important thing-her love is always enough. Explain that she will send a gift when she can, but sometimes she cannot and that is okay-she still loves you. You can explain that maybe in your open adoption, gifts are not expected, but a very welcome surprise when they do come.
#Adopt a pet giftlist how to#
In case a birth mom gets in a position where she cannot afford a gift or simply is in a season where she prefers less contact, I would advise talking to the child about how to manage those feelings. Not that they need spoiling, but they may feel like they weren’t remembered. If they notice they usually get a Christmas gift, they may expect one each year and be disappointed if there isn’t one. As they get older, they may wonder if they should expect a gift from their birth mom or birth family. Just have a casual conversation about whether you want to do birthday gifts only or also Christmas, Valentine’s, Halloween, etc.? This gives a boundary and realistic expectation not only for your budgets but for your child. Birth families commonly give gifts to the child, like toys, but not to the adoptive parents (in our case anyway).Īnother thing to note is how many times do you plan on giving gifts throughout the year? That may be something to discuss with your child’s birth mom. Plus, we don’t want his birth mom spending money on us when she should be saving for school or her bills. I suppose some open adoptions do have that element, but it just doesn’t seem to be the way ours goes. As adoptive parents, we do not get gifts from them and we don’t expect to. It would be hard to afford larger gifts for everybody, and they just want to be thought of. For example, we will give her a scrapbook of art or big photo and then we will send wallet-sized photos in a simple envelope to the rest of the individuals in her family. We still have his birth mom as our main priority, but we try to remember them as well. When we started meeting her family and becoming closer with each of them over time, we felt like considering them too. At first, we solely thought about our son’s birth mom because that’s who we had contact with. One thing to consider in open adoption is to know who is expecting a gift. There are several services out there like that. Another cute photo idea would be something like Chatbooks, where you can send a bunch of photos of your child in a little album to the birth family. Sometimes a canvas print can be about the same price as a nice frame, anyway. Get a nice canvas print made from Costco, for example. One time I sent our child’s birth mom a scrapbook from Michaels with a bunch of his fun preschool artwork in it (and made copies for myself). Is it the thought that counts? Yes! Birth families always feel good when they are remembered, even if it’s simply a framed copy of your child’s artwork you send to them. Giving genuine gifts made or bought with love is what works best. What would a cool aunt want? What would a parent want from their child? Usually, nothing expensive is necessary. At first, it can be confusing as to what is appropriate, but over time, I’ve discovered that treating biological families like any other family member is the best approach. It’s also common for adoptive parents to give gifts to the birth family. In an open adoption, it’s common for birth moms or dads to give gifts to their birth child.